What it's like to get old

Here's the next couple of complaints in my on-going series about what it's like to get old:

Acquired Brown’s Syndrome

I first noticed the symptoms of this bizarre affliction whilst driving a car in Louisville, KY. I was in traffic and I was swinging my eyes left and right trying to keep track of any threats. When I swung my vision to the right, my left eye stopped moving while the right eye continued to swing until it was focused on the object in question. Then my left eye would sort of snap right and catch up with the right eye. I’d have a short period of double vision.

The condition persisted and I could repeat the effect easily. Not every time I moved my eyes, but maybe about one out of three times, this would happen.

Well, I sure hadn’t read anything about this in the Human User’s Manual, so I was concerned. I was afraid that maybe I’d had some kind of stroke or something. Perhaps a stroke in my eye?

Immediately on return from our trip I went to see my eye “doctor.” I say “doctor” because as it turned out he was not a doctor – merely an Optometrist. He had absolutely no clue as to what was wrong with me. But, thankfully, he had the good sense to refer me to a competent real eye doctor, a specialist, and I had the good sense to go see him,

My wife and I went to see the specialist. We were seated at his desk and I tried to explain what I was experiencing. When I finished my explanation, I looked up and he was laughing. He said, “I know exactly what’s wrong. In fact, I wrote a paper on it in medical school.”

He explained that one of the tendons in my left eye, the one responsible for pulling the eyeball to the right, passes through a bony kind of eyelet. And my tendon was dragging on the eyelet. “Lateral Ascending Tendon Syndrome.” They even had a common name for the variant I had – “Acquired Brown’s Syndrome.” The “acquired” word separates my condition from Congenital Brown’s Syndrome.

So, I’d gone to two doctors, but now I had a name for my condition.

I asked him, “What causes this?”

Answer  - “We have no idea.”

I asked the doc, “Well, what can we do about it?”

He responded - “Absolutely nothing.”

Turns out, my condition is extremely mild. If it had been really severe, there is a risky operation. But the risks far outweighed the benefits in my case. My case is extremely mild, and intermittent. It has persisted for over 30 years now – but has gotten no worse.

This, as it turns out, happens about two times out of three when go to the doctor with a complaint:

·       You go to 2-3 doctors before you find one who knows what’s wrong
·       You have several expensive tests performed for each doctor
·       They finally tell you what you  have
·       But they don’t know why, and
·       There’s no treatment or cure

Basically, you worry a lot, spend a lot of money, and end up with only the name of your present affliction. Add it to your growing list.

Torn rotator cuff (right shoulder)

I tore something in my right shoulder when I carried a very heavy box of books from my vehicle into the local middle school. I was helping my wife, doing some heavy lifting. Heavier, I daresay, than my increasingly crispy body could bear. Something gave way.

A visit to our family Orthopedic Surgeon confirmed I had torn my right rotator cuff. (As couples age, we gain a “family Orthopedic Surgeon.” By the time I needed surgery for my rotator cuff, my wife had already had shoulder surgery and two knee replacements.)

I had the arthroscopic shoulder surgery to “clean it out in there,” and the subsequent physical therapy. There was significant discomfort during my recovery – but eventually I healed.

This was a case when the doctors could “fix” it.

Bronchiolitis

This particular tale of woe was truly self-inflicted, but can serve as a lesson about dealing with health issues and doctors as you age.

This saga begins with the fact that I was a beginning woodworker, working at a “shop” in my basement. I was building a chest from an exotic hardwood (Padauk), and developed some kind of allergic bronchial reaction to the sawdust. I developed a cough that never seemed to get any better. After about 3 months, I began seeing doctors.

The first specialist I went to gave me a series of tests – including lung capacity tests and a chest x-ray.

His diagnosis was COPD!  What, I don’t have COPD! My father-in-law had Emphysema and COPD for real. I just had a reaction to some sawdust.

The chest x-ray didn’t show anything wrong with my lungs but did indicate that my aorta was somehow “uncoiling.” What? What the hell does that mean? That sounds freakin’ important!

Time for another doctor.

Incidentally, these specialists you see are often of foreign birth and English is, at best, a second language.

I eventually found a doctor who actually listened to me and diagnosed me with a condition that babies often get - Bronchiolitis. Basically, my coughing in response to an allergic reaction had itself irritating my bronchial tubes and the condition was self-perpetuating. The more I coughed, the greater the irritation and the more I coughed. Endless cycle.

He prescribed an inhaler and prednisone and I was cured within a week or so.

Another one the doctors could fix – once I found one who would listen. And then only after paying for expensive tests I probably didn’t need. Be prepared to fight knee-jerk incompetent diagnoses, too, Like COPD in this case. And “uncoiling” aorta.

One lesson I did learn – to be more careful about controlling the sawdust in my shop. And be more careful about some of the materials I use. I’ve never used Padauk since and doubt I ever will.